Why I Cancel Plans (And Sleep Better Because of It)

Reframing inconsistency, one weird mood swing at a time.

I used to think something was seriously wrong with me.

I’d get real jacked up about something and go all in for a day and then the next day I’d be figuring out how to get out of what I just committed to! Ugh! 

Cue the shame spiral:

• “You never follow through.”

   

• “Why are you so inconsistent?”

   

• “People are gonna think you’re flaky.”

   

But here’s the truth no one tells you:
What looks like “flaky” on the outside is often self-protection on the inside.

I wasn’t flaking out. I was tuning in.

I just didn’t know that’s what I was doing yet.

 

Energy Isn’t Linear—And Neither Am I

The world we live in expects us to show up consistently the same way day in and day out. I don’t know about you but I am not a robot. 

I’m a woman with a nervous system, a sacred cycle, a changing body, and a big ol’ emotional landscape. Some days, I can light the world on fire. Other days, I can barely send a text.

And that doesn’t make me unreliable.
That makes me honest.

Back then, I didn’t know how to work with my energy. I just kept trying to force myself to be someone I wasn’t. Someone who was consistently “on,” always available, always producing.

Burnout wasn’t a possibility. It was inevitable.

 

The Real Reason I Said Yes (When I Meant No)

Let’s talk truth here…

The real reason I backed out was because my heart never really wanted to do what my mind said yes to. 

My yes was because:

• I didn’t want to disappoint anyone.

   

• I didn’t want to look lazy.

   

• I didn’t want to seem “ungrateful.”

   

• I was trying to keep up with everyone else.

   

I said yes to prove something—usually to myself.

And then I’d wake up in dread, resentful or overwhelmed, and my nervous system would say, “NOPE,” and shut the whole operation down.

I thought I had a commitment problem.

Turns out, I had a boundary problem.

 

From Overcommitment to Alignment

Today, the yeses are a whole lot less.

 Not because I don’t care.
Not because I’m unreliable.
Not because I can’t handle things.

But because I finally understand that my energy has value.

I’ve learned to ask myself:

• Does this feel like a sacred yes—or a survival yes?

   

• Is this choice aligned with who I’m becoming—or who I’m afraid to disappoint?

   

• Am I saying yes from love—or from fear?

   

That’s the real shift.

Not in how often I show up—but in how honestly I do.

 

Let’s Reframe This Together

Maybe you’ve labeled yourself inconsistent, or lazy or some other not so nice term
Maybe others have the same definition of you too.

But what if… inconsistency isn’t a flaw—it’s feedback?

What if your “flaky” is actually sacred intelligence?

What if the part of you that cancels plans, reschedules appointments, or says “not today” is actually your inner wisdom raising her hand like a truth-teller?

Because here’s what I believe:

✨ You’re not undisciplined. You’re sensitive.

✨ You’re not unreliable. You’re evolving.

✨ You’re not avoiding. You’re aligning.

 

How to Catch Yourself Before You People-Please

It’s not always easy to spot when you’re about to say yes from the wrong place. Here’s a little tip:

Pause before you answer.
Like, for real. Don’t “just reply quickly.” Don’t say “sure” because it feels easier.

Take 5 seconds. Feel into it. Ask yourself:

“If no one was disappointed by my answer, what would I say?”

That’s your truth. Honor it.

 Even if your voice shakes.
Even if you change your mind later.

Because consistency with yourself matters more than consistency with a calendar.

 

When You DO Change Your Mind (And You Will)

Let’s normalize this too.

 Sometimes, you’re gonna make plans and later realize:
This no longer feels aligned.

 And yes, it’s awkward to back out.
And yes, it might make people uncomfortable.

But you get to choose you.

 You don’t need a 3-page explanation or a doctor’s note.
You don’t need to fake an emergency.

You can just say:

“I need to honor where I’m at right now. I’m not able to follow through as planned. Thank you for understanding.”

(If someone doesn’t understand, that’s not your burden to carry.)

 

This Is What Energetic Integrity Looks Like

Energetic integrity is when your insides match your outsides.

 It’s when your yes is real.
It’s when your no is kind but clear.
It’s when you don’t gaslight your own body just to meet someone’s expectations.

 Energetic integrity means showing up when you mean it—and sitting out when you don’t.

 That’s not flaky.
That’s powerful.

That’s grown-woman leadership.

 

A Little Energy Awareness Practice: The Check-In Chair

Here’s something simple you can do at the start of your day:

1. Find a comfy seat. Doesn’t need to be fancy. Could be your kitchen stool or porch step.

    

2. Set a 2-minute timer.

    

3. Ask yourself out loud: “How’s my energy today?”

    

4. Let your body answer. Not your brain. Your body.

    

5. Choose your one essential task from that place.

    

This one habit changed how I show up—for myself, my work, and the people I love.

Because when I check in first, I lead from truth, not pressure.

 

Permission Slip (If You Need One)

You have permission to:

• Cancel something you no longer feel aligned with.

   

• Rest even if you “haven’t done enough.”

   

• Let other people be disappointed (they’ll survive).

   

• Show up different than you did yesterday.

   

• Redefine what consistency looks like for you.

   

 You’re not here to be predictable.
You’re here to be present.

 

Ready to make some changes? Check out my latest episode of my podcast “One Subtle Shift”! Don’t forget to subscribe and share it with friends! 

✨ Want more reflections like this?
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With Love,

Vee