For a long time I felt so lost. However, I am beginning to realize that life is infinitely bigger than my backyard and strangely enough I feel less lost. You might think it would be the other way around. Inside of my heart lives a voice that reminds me every day that I am a part of something bigger and stronger than the human eye can see or that any of our five senses can pick up. This powerful yet simplistic voice is the fuel that fills my existence.
Frequently we ask why am I here, what is my purpose? All too often we humanize the answer to those powerful questions. Do we exist to make more money, have bigger houses only to gather material belongings to the point that we are engulfed by the clutter? Does the literal clutter become the proverbial clutter that mucks up our purpose? So many questions, so much to analyze at least if you are me.
A brilliant man pointed out to me the first four letters in the word analyze…..you figure it out. That was an “a-ha” for me. I never saw myself as anal; I viewed it as needing to know, needing to be in control. Please understand that I have always had a fear of not knowing. I was and still can be the person that needs to know before everyone else. Do I think it inflates my level of importance? Do I think it makes me smarter, prettier and wittier? No. I will tell you what it does do for me; it makes me anxious, frustrated and resentful. Yes, needing to know is exhausting. All of the energy I expend needing to know depletes me and I am not able to focus fully on what I have sleuthed to prematurely reveal.
Here is what I DO know..
The Soul is a very sacred place deep within. It is the place where the energy of the Divine dances with the energy of the human. The synergy that is made off of the dance is what feeds our life purpose. An energy that is transparent; yet colored with magical sparkles of intuition and reverence. The dance propels us through a universe so complex and dynamic that we are in awe of its power and lust for its tranquility to engulf our existence.
Yet, many of us refuse the offer to dance with the magic of the Soul. Is it a non believer, is it fear, is it a request for proof or validation of a higher place? What is IT that keeps us from the dance of the Soul? Is it the same elusive IT that we search for on our journey of humanness? Is it a destination, a feeling, a material tangible? So many questions so little time.
Deep in a far away place tucked safely away resides the root of our existence. When we come into this world we were asked what is that we want to learn this time around, what is that we want to teach, to experience, to give back? As we process our Soul in the womb the images and ideas are fresh and vividly clear, however, the challenge seems to lie within the realm of the humanness. Identify the cause and the locate the contributing factor for the cause and there you have it…The IT.. Ahhhh.. There you go, ANALyzing it.
From the beginning of time we have had a need to control to manipulate. On every level possible we ask for power. We have fought nations and individuals for this power. We have killed children and adults a like for this power. We have massacred entire groups of people all in the name of Power.
It is the fear that they are so different from us and difference is not predictable. I need to know who you are and what you believe; and if it’s different than mine I’ll label you with one of my dictionary words and true to form you will accept the label. By accepting the label you feel the need to retaliate and so you find a label for me. A label bearing the disgust and anger you feel deep within your own personal core.
Did I just stumble onto something? It really is about YOU and what resides in YOU. The labels you cover me in are born from your bitterness and resentment. In the womb the picture was crystal clear you knew you came here to bring about love and acceptance; when and how did the infection of greed, lust, and envy slip into your being?
Tomorrow is another day and there will be another label to wear, war to fight, battle to plot and Soul to explore. I still am not completely certain what the IT is but I certainly can tell you what it is NOT. And, for now that is good enough as I continue to dance with my Soul and accepting IT for what it is… unknown at the moment.
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